one might say we're banned from that church
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
