brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize