I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
