i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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