ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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