I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize