he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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