elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
