A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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