In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
