Your face is a jimmy john
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
