rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
