I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
