I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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