I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
