We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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