I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize