ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
