How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
