I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
