Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
