We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is my gift to your gina
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize