you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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