I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
