Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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