I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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