WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
