There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
