does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize