haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
