the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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