woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You ate ashes out of my bong
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
