glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
