sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
