No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
