I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
