Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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