I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
