You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We don't watch enough power rangers
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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