New low: just hacked my moms facebook
two words: eviction party
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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