Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize