Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
