____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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