No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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