Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
