Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
