He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just had sex bonerless
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
