I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
