theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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