you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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