his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
