youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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