We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
