Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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