Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
