I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We had to coat check the pizza.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
