My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
