it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
