It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
