sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
