apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dick very happy bro
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
