In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
