Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize