i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
