My room smells like vodka and shame
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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