community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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