You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
