The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
