I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize