is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
