I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
