Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
