Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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